Balthazar Crindy

Balthazar Danger Crindy

No. 85 – Arizona Outlaws
Position:	Tight End
Personal information
Born:	(1967-01-01)January 1, 1967 (aged 94) Baton Rouge, LA
Height:	6 ft 6 in (1.98 m)
Weight:	260 lb (118 kg)
Twitter:	@bcrindy
Career information
High school:	Notnamedafter Lee High, Baton Rouge, LA
College:	LSU
ISFL Draft:	2023  / Round: 2 / Pick: 4
Career history
Tijuana Luchadores (2022 (S7)) Arizona Outlaws (2023 (S8)–present)
Roster status:	Active
Career highlights and awards
DSFL Tight End of the Year (2022 (S7))
Career NSFL statistics as of Week 17, 2023
Total touchdowns: 0 Receiving yards: 434 Receptions: 77 Pancakes: 17 Sacks Allowed: 0
Player stats at ISFL.net

Balthazar Crindy (born Jan 1, 1967) is an American football tight end for the Arizona Outlaws of the National Simulation Football League (NSFL). He played college football for Louisiana State University (LSU) before entering the professional ranks in 2023, notably the oldest draftee ever at age 51, but having spent 28 years in a cryogenic stasis due to an illegal medical experiment. In theory just 23 years old as a rookie, Crindy was selected in the second round of the 2023 ISFL Draft (S8), the first tight end and the third offensive player drafted that year. Crindy was thawed in 2017, having been frozen in 1990 following the misdiagnosis of malaria and the illegal use of a prototype cryogenesis, which resulted in a massive malpractice lawsuit.

Crindy's parents have since passed away, and he has no direct family members alive.

In an interview with ESPN8, Crindy said he did not remember much during his 28 years in cryostasis: "Here's the thing. I don't remember being that cold during, obviously. Only when I came out. If there was anything I have in my head during my frozen days, it's just... numbers. Like numbers like just monotone. It's weird, like something from my childhood. That's all."

Early years

Balthazar Crindy's first job was listening for and recording ad placements for proof of play using his fathers Vietnam War-era HAM radio equipment and reel-to-reel recording setup.

Crindy was a star tight end in high school and on the LSU football team in 1989. He was frozen and maintains few memories after 1990.

Illegal Cryogenesis

Crindy, then a college athlete who was diagnosed with strange symptoms after returning from a Caribbean Cruise, was thawed just last year after a "cold case" investigation resulted in a corrected diagnosis. Crindy was in fact not suffering from an unknown disease that might be cured one day in the future. He was suffering from malaria, which was cured in the 17th century with quinine.

Locating the scientists who irresponsibly put Crindy on ice in 1990 was easy – they are serving time in federal custody for a variety of charges including kidnapping, practicing without a license, barratry, mail fraud, conspiracy, prescription fraud, real estate fraud, and criminal FEC violations.

College career

Crindy's LSU football career ended one year early due to the illegal cryogenesis experiment in 1990. He was voted a team captain in spring practice before his senior season.

After being thawed, Crindy was treated for malaria and immediately began a vigorous training regimen, possibly to overcome the tremendous loss of all his family members and the trauma of losing 28 years. Many of Crindy's teammates and coaches from his high school class of 1987 are also no longer alive.

Professional career

NSFL career

Pre-draft measurables

Ht	Wt	40‑yd dash	20‑ss	3‑cone	Vert jump	Broad	BP	Wonderlic
6 ft 6 in (1.98 m)	260 lb (118 kg)	5.01 s	4.93 s	7.90 s	21.3 in (0.54 m)	7 ft 2.6 in (2.20 m)	18 reps	20
2023 NSFL Scouting Combine

Crindy, having been recently thawed, was drafted by Arizona in the desert, and joked that it was the perfect team. When he moved he brought few personal belongings, but some relics of 1980s memorabilia with him.

In his rookie preseason, Crindy had three games with 7 receptions each.

Crindy became an immediate starter on a team with no true tight end, and midway through the season was moved into the majority of offensive sets, catching passes from King Bronko. The Outlaws finished a disappointing 5-9 on the season, but Crindy finished second on the team in receptions (77), though last in yards per reception (5.6), and was the only active player on the team without a receiving touchdown.

After his rookie season, the Outlaws re-signed Crindy to a new three-year contract that was one of the richest in the league for a tight end, including a three-year no-trade clause.'

Before his second season, QB King Bronko retired, signaling an official start to a tough rebuilding phase for the Arizona Outlaws franchise, that had in reality already begun. Crindy embraced the role of the underdog and did not seem to mind the fate of a losing team, repeating a "get better every day" mantra with teammates. Though Crindy bristled in a post that mentioned then-rookie QB Kevin Fitzpatrick: "Let's face it, the team is going to struggle. We have a leadership vacuum that I intend to help fill. But I don't intend to give up. I don't intend to settle. I don't intend to be happy or fulfilled or content with a last place finish or a first overall draft pick. We've got a new rookie QB who says "If 0 (TD's) and 2 (INT's) is the worst, I would be very happy". That. Shit. Don't. Fly in my locker room. New QB needs to get better every day."

Professional career statistics

Need to add a stats table here